Little things

I’ve had a cold for the past several days, nothing special, just a cold, but I’ve noticed in recovery that my mood slips when I’m physically sick.  In fact, I’ve even noticed that the change in mood often signals the onset of illness.  In addition things have been pretty busy: an overnight w my grandson at a hockey tournament, a wake and funeral for the father of one of my closest friends, an intervention on a member of the family that brought up a lot of emotion for my wife and me.  Then this morning I inadvertently got everyone up at 4:30 a.m. instead of 5:30 a.m., because I forgot to adjust the upstairs alarm for day light savings time.  It was one of those broken shoelace moments.

It’s often observed in A.A. circles that it isn’t always the big things that trigger a relapse.  Often it’s those little things that inexplicably add some quantum to the load of feelings and leave you vulnerable to drinking or taking a drug.  When that happens it’s a good idea to pause and re-start your day.  Spot check what has been going on, compare what’s happening to your 4th Step inventory.  Maybe you need to call someone else just to get out of your own head.  Look at a meditation book or any piece of the literature that you find helpful.  Sometimes a moment of prayer or meditation helps.  The idea is to do something.  This little bit of writing might just do it for me.